Because of You
by PCGirl
Summary: Natalie reflects on what is the root cause of her actions in life and comes to a surprising conclusion. Natalie centric.


Disclaimer: All characters are property of ABC/Disney. I'm just using them (mostly Natalie) for my writing pleasure.

A/N: This is the perfect example of why you should never say never to writing more stories. I figured I had the last chapter of Where the Heart is and the Joliday story and I would be done. Nope. The title comes from the Kelly Clarkson song and hearing it reminded me of our girl. It's different than what I usually write, but interesting too. Enjoy. Until next time-PCGirl.

PS. Time frame is somewhere between March and July 2012. If if matters.

* * *

If Natalie Balsom Buchanan Banks had been the type of person to talk to a psychiatrist, she wondered what they would say was the root cause of who she was today.

Being raised by Roxanne Balsom didn't help her get a good solid foundation to start. The woman cared more about grabbing the proverbial golden ring of sudden wealth than to show love and kindness to either of her children.

It caused Natalie to grow up faster than any child should have so she could help raise Rex the best way a child would know how. After he was gone there was no watchful eye to make sure she did her school work or obeyed curfew times. The word curfew implies that someone cares where you are when the street lights turn on.

There is truth behind the concept of nature versus nurture. Because having met Roxy's mom Natalie knew where that had come from with Roxy. Knew what her adopted mom had gone through growing up so that when a child is dumped on her like Natalie was, she didn't know how to care for them. How do you show a child love and compassion when you've never received it?

She had learned her lesson by the time her grandchildren came around. For every wrong she did towards Natalie and Rex in raising them she did a hundred things right for Shane and Liam. Anything they wanted or needed, and she would be one of the first to try and do it for them. Even when she didn't have the money or resources to do so.

So, Natalie figured she got her perchance for over-the-top schemes and an 'act first-think later' mentality from her. That wasn't all who she was-just the nurture part. Looking at the nature side of it all she could make out Lord and Buchanan in her as well.

The Buchanan part was easy-it was her drive and determination to excel in anything she did. Whether it was in the BE boardroom when she worked for Asa and Clint or becoming the best forensic tech for her Uncle Bo, she put her all into it. Make these three men proud of her was a goal that she made for herself and achieved fairly easily.

The Lord part was more specific. It wasn't brought on by physical and sexual abuse that both her mom and Jessica went through. Though she'd been a victim of abuse by way of Roxy's neglect, at least she had been spared the same fate as them. A fate that had caused their own psyches to split in order to deal with it all.

It was something else she saw in her biological mother that resided in her as well. When she'd first come to town it wasn't there-the woman despised her. And looking back Natalie couldn't blame her-at that point she only was one third of the person she was now. A Balsom that was constantly told growing up that you take what is rightfully yours, truth be damned to those it might hurt in the process.

It wasn't until all the hurt was put aside that Natalie first ever felt it by anyone-unconditional love. How Viki had been able to find room in her heart to love another child. A child that was a young woman when they met, yet still her flesh and blood. One who still would, from time to time, do something that would not sit right with her, yet she loved her still.

So, from those three parts what could Natalie say was the underlying reason she was who she was? The Buchanan drive, the Balsom schemer, or the Lord ability to forgive and love still?

None. It was somewhere else she had to look to see the root cause of it all. It went back to the man that put everything in motion. The man who thought he was God and decided she, a small innocent baby, should be removed from her birthright and raised somewhere else.

It was the man whose body was now in grave #4291 of the pauper's cemetery on the outskirts of town. It had caught John off-guard when she decided to make the call to Miles and tell him his brother was dead and it was by her hand. But, as she'd pointed out, he was the next of kin and deserved to be notified.

Miles had apologized for his brother's recent actions towards her and Jessica. Apologized for the deaths of both Jared and Ford. Both sisters had told him thank you, and Natalie reminded him he was bigger than Mitch and Flynn. Then the two girls had stood at the earthen hole and watched as the simple wooden box had been placed in the ground. Not out of respect or sympathy for the dead, but to make sure the man was dead and buried-there would be no resurrection of the almighty Mitch Laurence this time.

She may come up with crazy schemes like Roxy, love unconditionally like Viki, and be a force to reckon with at work like the Buchanan men, but without Mitch's forced entry at the beginning of her life a part of her wouldn't be.

The part of her that connected so well with John, both having been raised in Atlantic City by single moms. The part that knew what she wanted and went for it-consequences be damned. Without Mitch she probably wouldn't have the sibling bond she held so fiercely to with Rex. She would never thank the man, but she could accept that he caused her to be the person she was today.

Now with John chasing after another ghost she wondered if he would ever return to her and Liam. If he didn't-if that ghost created a snowball effect that took him elsewhere, she knew it was nothing she caused. She accepted we all have our ghosts that caused us to be the way we are. Natalie knew all hers-and that the last one was gone when they threw the first shovel of dirt on that box.

So, for now she would raise her son by herself-be the independent woman she knew she could be. And would shower him with all of herself-so he could grow to be his own person. He would be a mixture of her three parts and of McBain. She could already tell he favored his father in looks, but in terms of who he grew to be-she was pretty sure that would be because of her.


End file.
